Steve & Debbie’s Grand Adventure

As many of us prepare for some sort of Thanksgiving….gatherings that might be filled with traditional foods, fancy table settings, watching parades, napping to football, volunteering to serve meals, or deliver meals. Possibly skipping the whole thing. Or resting up for Black Friday…Steve and I want to wish you the best and tell you a bit about our Annual Pie Party.  

For about 5 years now we have invited neighbors and friends to join us for a sweet & savory get together. It’s always a week or two before Thanksgiving. And it’s a super-easy party to host. Guests bring either a sweet or savory pie, or nothing but themselves. There’s always PLENTY of pie, no need to worry if you don’t like to cook, but do like to eat!  There’s something wonderful for everyone.  Shepherds pie, chicken pie, pizza pie, crust-less pie, hand pies, quiche, shrimp & grits pie, onion tarts. And of course alongside the pumpkin pie, sweet potato pie, apple pie, blueberry pie, and chocolate pie you’ll find key lime pie. Honestly, name a pie you want. With at least 40 pies to choose from you can’t be disappointed. We even had Moon Pies!  It is totally okay to eat “dessert” before “dinner”. 

This year we had 72 guests and 3 dogs! A fantastic bonfire, and as always a few new faces, an age-range of 1-month-old to 85-years-young. And so much laughter along with lots of storytelling. 

This year we added something new. I put a wheelbarrow out front and invited guests to bring donations for C.O.R.A., our local food bank. On Monday morning I was delighted to deliver a full car of needed items. I had to leave the wheelbarrow at home.

As the photo above suggests, be grateful and eat pie!

We are and we did ❤️🥧🙏

Happy Thanksgiving y’all

FROM STEVE:

About five years ago we were invited to a pie party on the west coast and found it to be a great way to make connections with people we didn’t know very well. 

There’s something about a pie that feels like a reward for living in the school of life which can provide some challenges. 

We brought the tradition of the Pie Party back to North Carolina and started our own version. 

The first party was a booming success with lots of sweet pies and a few less savory pies. A bonfire maker showed up and kept the fire going for hours. It was pretty chilly and everyone snuggled, met new friends, ate more pie, and went home happy.

I have been very physically weakened. I wasn’t sure I could manage four hours of entertaining and helping people blend in and create interesting conversation. Debbie and I always like to bring people together that don’t know each other. We have lots of great conversationalists in our lives! It’s  fun to watch them connect. 

I found my rhythm when my Pickleball students showed up early and loved on me. I realized that I could just sit with them and hold hands instead of being the host. I got to be an observer. 

I made it 3 hours before heading to the bedroom to rest.  Around 7 o’clock Debbie came in to check on me. She was amazed how long I had hung out. I rested for an hour then I got up to wash dishes, which is one of my favorite things. 

After a party we like to share our stories. What we ate, who we talked with, what we learned, and what surprised us.  I was really happy that we have seasoned Pie Party guests who covered all of my hosting roles by hanging out in the kitchen and greeting everyone! Mostly I was just happy that I had the strength to be present with loved ones.

    THE MORNING AFTER”  Taken from the The Red Couch

FROM DEBBIE:

A beautiful morning on the red couch. The Tarot cards we pulled this morning seemed right on target for both of us. My VII of Swords, a woman bound and blindfolded. Seemingly stuck and hopeless. But the water at her feet and the relative looseness of her bonds suggests she needs to simply remove her blindfold and allow her intuition and creativity to guide her way out of the stuckness. 

Yesterday I felt stuck. My seasonal allergies finally took hold of me.  No energy. Mild, but persistent symptoms. A sense that Steve and I are stuck in a cancer-care loop that feels never ending. (Ahhh, I just felt the inner-smile of remembering the joy of watching The Neverending Story with my kids when they were very young. Nice) 

Steve, pulling the same card, the VIII of cups, two days in a row was pretty amazing. Begging the question, “Do I stay or do I go?”  Hence, this morning’s writing prompt. 

It’s hard to allow a creative and fluid response to this question. Much of the time it feels like cancer treatment is the only question. 

Hah!!! That’s my blindfold. Take off your blindfold Debbie !!

Other questions might be:

• Should I release our hold on the house in LaVillita?
• Should we go ahead and replace the deck?
• Where should we go with the L’il Guy?
• Should we sell Sprague?
• Should I make painting a barn quilt a priority?
• Why don’t I say let’s just re-do the bathroom at Sadie’s?
• Heck, why don’t we just re-do the bathrooms at Sadie’s and the farmhouse?

I could go on and on. The thing is to allow ourselves to open our hearts to all of the questions. 

So, should we stay close to home? 

Should we continue to explore our inner and outer worlds in new ways?  New places?

Seems to me that if I am free to go I am also free to be here.

I think the biggest take-away from our cards this morning is this:

Why do I let the only question, or at least the biggest question be the response/reaction to cancer?

This is good to ponder.  So I will.

In this moment, I am grateful, I am content, I am well. I am filled with loving kindness…all as we sit here on this lovely couch, in this gentle sunlight, sipping fresh, hot coffee…close enough to reach out and touch hands. 

Today is a good day. 

FROM STEVE:

Sometimes life is not fun.

The bigger picture is realizing that along with suffering there is also an opportunity for joy. Here in Western culture we are so focused on throwing solutions at problems. Since most of our problems are delusional it’s important to tease-out what is truly problematic. 

We live in a maelstrom of emotional and spiritual turmoil that seems to be out there in the sphere of culture or politics, but is really much deeper than that. Our fight or flight response connects to the internet where we meet other souls operating out of the same fears. We imagine that the internet has connected humanity when really it has flattened our consciousness, often to the lowest common denominator. We can justify genocide, war, killing, scapegoating and hating. In this maelstrom of chaos we hope for a hero…but as poet Michael Meade says, It’s way too complex for one hero to conquer.  

Years ago, kinda disgusted with life, I drove down to the coast and bought a 25-foot Catalina sailboat anchored in the tiny sailing town of Oriental. It was $5,000. Or as we joked, a dollar a pound.  I was upset with the way life was treating me. Debbie was sick. Culture and Politics were intolerable and some personal relationships were a challenge. 

That beautiful boat which we named Bella Blue became our getaway and our healing. Since neither of us were sailors we mostly stayed tied to the dock in a lovely anchorage along the water. We toasted bagels with cream cheese and lived a simple life. We wrote about our dreams, talked and cooked one pot meals on a two burner electric grill. We watched birds and were mesmerized by the light moving across the water. We found our gifts in those peaceful waters.  

On the rare occasions we took the boat out of our harbor it was a 50-50 guess how we would return. Under our own sail or being towed. We got to know the guys from Towboat USA really well!

I got a jumpstart on this latest version of cultural chaos by getting sick with a disease that has no cure. I found that even when life is horrific and our bodies betray us, it is actually a great time for healing and reflection. A chance to tune into inner wisdom and listen to what’s really important. My Cancer has no cure …..you beat it and it comes back or you beat it and you live in fear that it will come back. The only choice is to transcend the body and the body sensations and then take what is offered. For me that is to live each day well from the inside out. To be at peace with the world and in touch with what I enjoy and do well in service to the world. 

For me It was a new way of looking at life… I was looking for joy 

Scottie Scheffler,  the number one golfer in the world reflected on his experience around winning lots of tournaments. He said the high lasted a short time, maybe a couple of hours, and then he went back to daily life. He hugged his wife and held his baby… the baby was crying and his wife  was ready for a nice, quiet dinner together. 

Joy is a different matter.  Joy is different from “winning”. And finding joy is our challenge. I have my ways, you will find yours. Mostly it’s about finding our giftedness in the world. 

Right now, the world we’re all living in is like a pot that has been stirred. The demons are out of the bag. Our greatest hope is Joy. 

Inside our joy is Service and Connection. If we are to survive we must join together in our greatest joy and our greatest service. 

For you it could be crocheting or needlepoint or ping-pong or cleaning house ot weeding or sitting by the fire…… or maybe even buying a sailboat and never sailing out to sea. 

We will not solve the problems of humanity without connecting to our inner wisdom. 

ANOTHER ENTRY FROM DEBBIE:

I’ve come to Sadie’s Place for two nights on my own. I wanted to re-stock for AirB&B guests and also enjoy the Fall colors before they up and float away. I do love it here. Some alone time is restorative, and also a bit lonely. Lonely isn’t necessarily bad and it can be informative. 

A couple weeks ago Steve and I were in a tough place with treatment schedules and what felt like one little irritation after another. We were both suffering. He became more interior, less emotionally available. I became impatient and reactive. After a few spiffs we took a break…meaning I got in my car and screamed/cried my way to Pittsboro and back (a great release). He did some writing, trying to find ways he could become more present and communicative. 

While alone at Sadie’s I had the time and space to learn two important things about myself.  Both helped me feel excited about finding our way back to one another. 

The first was the realization that an early childhood experience was very much alive in my body memory. The 9-year-old body memory was pushing and pulling this 71-year-old around!  I have done plenty of therapy, writing, healing around this woundedness. But here’s the thing; my little 9-year-old self is still part of me. Not all of me, but definitely part of me. When I told Steve about this realization he listened carefully, thoughtfully. And we planned together how to respond. 

The second realization is the one that has really deepened our connection in these past few weeks. 

I said “Steve, we have important roles. Both of us are caregivers. I am the caregiver most people think of…making you the recipient of my care. But you are also a caregiver. You have cared for and loved me for years. And continue to do so now, especially now.”

So yes, one of our prominent roles is Caregiver. But here’s what I needed to feel, believe, practice, receive…

You are my beloved. 

I am your beloved. 

We can’t live fully in our relationship when our lens is too narrowly focused.

Everyday I make sure I look across the room, across the yard, or where he’s sitting in the doctors office and see my beloved. 

It is a privilege to be a trusted caregiver. 

It is a unique blessing to spend each day with my beloved.

FROM STEVE:

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, the rational mind, a faithful servant …..we have created a society that honors the servant and forgets the gift …..Albert Einstein

In the olden days, people looked at new inventions and asked not only what good they could do, but also what harm they could do.

As AI creeps into our daily life, some of us are fascinated, watching it synthesize thoughts, search out information and present it quickly. It’s sort of like having the smartest kid in the classroom helping you with your homework. It’s wonderfully condensed research done in a few seconds and of course it feels amazing and magical. Very useful for example in the health situations where you plug-in your symptoms and get a diagnosis especially if we have a complex diagnosis and have about seven or eight symptoms.  There is conversation about AI becoming a sentient being. Hmmm 🤔 

We also must wonder what is the downside of AI.

I have a friend that serves as a guru type person for me and he answered this question. He said our greatest wisdom comes from inside ourselves and not from outside ourselves, so AI  is the servant. It focuses more on the informational  logical part of existence. The downside is it distracts from our looking deeply into ourselves. There are much greater things that we can do internally in terms of creating a life that is joyful.

Good living depends on heart,soul, connection with others, gratitude,  comfortability with living in the unknown, and using imagination in taking steps to dream and adventure.

Intuition is the voice of spiritual life….the  God within us. It helps us see the mystery of life …. a world that is changing rapidly.  We came from nothing and disappear into nothing ……ashes to ashes,  dust to dust.

For me life is God‘s little school room where we daily learn lessons about how to live well. We have to do the work ourselves, and we can’t depend on the smartest kid in the class to do the work for us. 

FRIM DEBBIE:

From Albert Einstein –

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

For the past 14 months Steve and I have relied on mantras, quotes, and folklorist sayings to communicate what is essentially impossible to capture in words. One of my favorites has been “Perception is the greater part of reality.”  So I loved hearing this quote as our writing prompt this morning. What I perceive as beautiful awards me a sense of awe. What I perceive as ugly can cause me to turn my gaze in another direction. Similarly with good/bad, abundance/scarcity, happy/sad and so on. Amazingly, when I take responsibility for my perceptions I can change the world!

Some of our other useful phrases are:

It is what it is.

Go with the flow.

Maintain an attitude of gratitude. 

If the Lord is willin’ & the creek don’t rise. 

Always we begin again. 

There are others. 

This morning Steve read from “Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain”  Remember that book? How many retreats were built around that it? Many!  The book opens with Einstein’s quote.

 Steve loves to paint and sketch. He is very good at changing his perspective. He can easily paint what he perceives. I am more inclined to paint what I think I “see”. We keep a set of framed pears in the kitchen at Sadie’s Place. We painted them at a retreat (loosely based on the book) way back during the first year of our marriage. We weren’t sitting together when we were painting. Somehow we had both chosen to paint the same pear. But the differences were obvious. Both are nice pictures. But Steve’s pear is luscious and soft. Mine looks like it isn’t ripe at all. A very nice and obvious representation of a pear, but don’t try to eat it!

I enjoy playing around with this quote. Exploring the actions of my rational thought process interacting with the intuitive. I juggle a lot of plates. I need help from my rational mind to keep everything running. But truthfully, it’s my intuitive nature that ultimately guides me through this mystery called  Life. 

And I do credit perception as the best way I know to look for the good in everything (Jason Miraz song title) 😜

Always,  I seek a gentler encounter with reality. I don’t deny or hide from reality.  I just try to keep it in perspective.

FROM STEVE:

The Best year of my life

It’s been a wild ride body-wise this month. I started chemo infusion and it’s taken a team to help me wade through some very uncomfortable moments. Two of my nurse advisors are friends of ours and they have been all stars in compassionate conversation and sharing their experiences. My family has talked me through tough times.

 I just passed my one year anniversary of treatment and it’s been quite fulfilling and interesting. I’ve learned in every stage to put my focus on joy and peacefulness even in the most difficult situations. 

You wouldn’t believe the conversations that have come my way. They say that deadlines produce the best in people.  Debbie and I are close. She sometimes works to exhaustion managing our rentals and taking care of me. 

i’m learning to welcome my failures and my suffering with compassion. It’s an exciting time. 

Donna Gulick writes about the compassionate life in her book LIVING IN THE LIGHT IS OUR TRUE NATURE.  

In this book, she takes on the issue of violence in the world we live in, with perpetrators and victims, and she extends her love to both perpetrators and victims. And then out into the larger world we live in.

 I wonder if we are currently nearing the nadir (low point) of human consciousness on this planet. In my mind, people have sometimes mistaken fun for joy 

In loneliness or confusion ….what I often see are materialistic values,….overconsumption, desire for control and power over others, and a social media system that encourages delusional thinking. 

On the flip side of the coin, have you noticed another  trend ???

Both Debbie and I have been overwhelmed by the loving kindness, smiles, friendships, and connections that come our way every single day. 

There are many people who are looking at ways to just “be”. People interested in connection and community. Where is all this coming from?

In Star Wars, we are taught that we should connect to the Force. in Christianity the Holy Spirit.  In Buddhism, it’s embracing impermanence, change and emptying ourselves of attachments. Whatever  our minds are grasping at the moment. TheTao te Ching describes an invisible, unknowable, mysterious energy that can’t be understood or captured in words. 

In all these experiences we are led to freedom …..the freedom to be without anxiety. Even when the world around us is in chaos. 

So if we are at the Nadir of human existence, we are also at a turning point. 

New ways of seeing and being are appearing ….old forms are dying. We can join hands with these new forms. Each of us comes equipped with our own individual radar that we got as standard equipment. It helps us effortlessly move along the way. Our values don’t have to be complicated. 

This way of being might include : kindness, service to all, a balanced life, and gratitude.  

AND FROM DEBBIE:

I was born into a family of cheerleaders. I became a miniature cheerleader. An occupation that stuck, it seems! Two of my sisters were dating their future husbands when I was born. They were actually part of the family before I arrived on the scene. So when my dad died (I was age 9), they became my father figures, and since they were still young themselves, my buddies. We watched a lot of football together. My sisters were great at clothes and hairstyles and make-up. But that didn’t interest me. I hung with the guys!  

I knew everything about football. In 6th grade I broke all the norms and became the quarterback for my elementary school team. Granted, we only played two games, but I felt pretty accomplished. 

Fall arrives and I feel a longing for those days. Cool weather, tailgating, and team spirit. It created for me a lifelong love of Team Sports. In the Spring I take naps after turning on a golf tournament. But in the Fall I nap to football. I don’t really have a crew to watch with anymore, but that’s okay. It’s more about cherishing the memories. And the nap is pretty wonderful. Kinda like sleeping in the back seat while your parents drive through the night. 

I am a pretty good team player. I value creating something bigger than what each person might do individually. About 23 years ago I was camping with some friends during a contra dance weekend. The falling asleep ritual on dance weekends always led to a discussion of who was interested in whom. And then eventually to the philosophical questions…what are you looking for in a partner 😜

I really had no interest in finding a partner so I usually just passed. But on this particular weekend I thought I would add my two cents to the conversation. “I am pretty simple” I said. “I want someone who knows they’re part of something bigger than themselves, and they will dance with me in the kitchen every morning.“ That’s it, they questioned?  My friends thought my list was a bit short and probably short-sighted.

“That’s it” I said. And I went to sleep. 

A few months later I ended up in a contra dance line with Steve. The sound system cut-out and we spent a slightly awkward bit of time getting to know each other while waiting for the dance to continue. A few months later we went out on our first date. The rest is history. I soon learned that Steve truly understood that he was part of something bigger than himself. And he began each day spinning me around our kitchen dance floor. The rest… just details. We worked them out!

So I think Marriage is a team sport. Pickleball is a team sport. Cancer is a team sport. And UNC men’s Basketball…definitely a team sport. Team Sports have their fair share of ups and downs, wins and losses, missed passes and lucky calls. Thank goodness for all the players, on and off the field!  We need the coaches, the fans, the quarterbacks and the sponsors. Sometimes the receivers get knocked down. Sometimes the ball is fumbled. And sometimes despite the rankings the underdog wins the day. I love the game. And, like any good cheerleader will tell you,  it’s always a bonus when you get a good halftime show. 

Hope you enjoy the wonders and memories of Fall. And whatever you do, if you have the chance to go to the dance, don’t sit it out. 

DANCE. 

From Steve: Temple of Joy

Going through chemo is no party. I lost 12 pounds during my first infusion 3 weeks ago. No need to go into the gory details. 

I did learn something about suffering. It is possible to suffer and to experience joy in the same moment. So much of suffering is about the past and the future. the first step to mastering suffering is to come into the present moment. 

There are many ways to do this so I won’t elaborate. It’s a pretty popular topic now. 

The second step is to embrace joy. My role model is.Thich Nhat Hanh. He spent the first 45 years of his life in a war torn country, where a struggle for power created much cruelty, death and destruction. 

How could anyone think that stopping communism by killing innocent women, children and entire villages was the way to peace, and yet my otherwise intelligent father with his focus on stopping the spread of communism, believed it. 

I got a fairly hard draft number. I rolled the dice and the draft board got to number 172 and my number was 180.

Thich Nhat Hanh watched his people suffering and he suffered with them. He realized that when you give up on joy that you stop living …..and he looked for ways to create more joy in his life within the suffering.

No matter what you believe about our chaotic political and social milieu, there is likely to be suffering involved. Families have been split apart. If it were 150 years ago we would probably be in a civil war where you would have to choose sides and take up arms

So we have opportunity here to place our focus on joy. When we awake each day, we can be aware of the gift of consciousness. We can be grateful for the mystery that we live in. And that every day brings with it the potential for joy 

Yes, there will be reasons for concern. These concerns travel along with the potential for the great joy we can experience.  Especially in this time of uncertainty, the opportunity is ripe to experience great joy. The joy of caring for our neighbors, our families, the land that we live on, the starlit sky, music, art, and quiet times.

Every  hour is precious.gift. Let our hearts live in peace. 

From Debbie: Where I Sit To Watch The World Wake-Up

Today feels like a brand new world. The temperature dropped 20 degrees. The leaves are falling. The woodpile is starting to look purposeful. It’s a bit grey and rainy. I imagine a pot of soup beans and cornbread. I LOVE Fall. And Fall loves me right back. It fills up my senses (thank you John Denver). Cozy socks, flannel shirts, the smell of hot chocolate, the feel of that extra blanket as morning nears, the sounds of migration, the gratitude that the hummingbirds are still here and the taste of pumpkin bread. Oh yeah, Fall is good.

I got up early this morning. Light was just breaking through the cloud cover. I settled into the corner of the red couch with an outstandingly delicious cup of coffee. And I just gazed out the window.. then felt shocked that even before it was truly “morning” the hummingbirds were there! I know this sounds crazy, but I believe it’s true….there is one hummingbird that is my buddy. It hovers at the window off and on throughout the day, right in front of me, and looks me in the face. We pause together and let the moment be as it is. I am delighted by my little buddy.

A wise friend sent me a wonderful description of How The Forest Heals You….a great reminder to me to let myself be healed. This world reaches out to me whether I sit in the corner of my couch, walk to the mailbox, or head up to Sadie’s Place to walk the Mountain-to-Sea Trail. It reaches out to me in love. I only need to open myself to its care.

I am watching my dog (BooBoo) watch the world. BooBoo has had only one eye since she was a pup. True, she’s adapted and does well. Still, I sometimes watch her looking at the world and wondering, evaluating. “What is this I see? I myself am well-trained in visual adaptation, but these days I find myself looking at the world and wondering, what is this I am seeing?

I  am brokenhearted. So many of my friends and family live around the world. To the north of North Carolina. To the south of North Carolina. And across the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. I have always felt like a world citizen. 

I am a World Citizen!!!!!

Mutuality and  Reciprocity matter to me. 

Relationship and Faith in one another despite, or especially because of our differences matters to me. 

Knowing that I am part of something bigger than myself matters to me….

Something bigger than the cost of eggs or how cool my car is…matters to me. 

You matter to me. It’s true. 

It doesn’t matter to me what your job is.  What basketball team you root for (although this year, if you are a UNC fan, I admire our faith), what your country of origin is, what you have in your bank account (honestly, money doesn’t impress me much), how you vote, how you worship, or how you love the people you love….

You, my friend,  matter to me. 

Because we share soooo much. We have more than we often realize in common. And we bring so many different life experiences than are not easily recognized.  Yet, we are… the same. 

I need love and touch and joy and beauty.

 I think  you do too. 

I need to be seen and heard. I know you do too. 

I need to laugh and cry and be scared sometimes.  I think you do too. 

I need to be able to mess up and be forgiven. 

I need to try and fail and try again. 

I need to know I am strong. 

AND,

I need to know that sometimes when I have been strong, and worked hard, and given it my best shot.  I find myself in need. 

And believing that’s okay…that sometimes I need help….and sometimes I offer help…

Is called BEAUTIFUL 

-remember, whatever it is you’re looking for, 

if you look for it, you will find it,

So look for the good. It’s there. I promise. 

(If you look for bad, you will find it)

This is from Debbie

It kinda begins at Sadie’s Place. Sunday morning, August 25th. 

As part of our morning ritual we do random readings. Followed by a writing prompt. Steve gets a stack of 6 or 7 books. I close my eyes. He says “pick a number between 1 and 7”. I say, “hmmmm, 4”

#4 is Joseph Campbell. Steve opens the book, sometimes upside down to a random page. He says “left or right side?”  I say “right”. Steve reads this:

“For the first time, Death smiles”. 

This is our writing prompt for the day. 🤔

Such freedom. To let death smile. To hold no resistance. No clinging. Utter ease in the knowing…All is One. The only true obstacle is our human propensity for avoidance. Somehow believing this body-life is all there is. When the body is finished. We are finished. 

We are not finished!

I am soul and spirit. I fly with the wind. I float with the waters. I nurture the land. When I sit here on the porch at Sadie’s Place and realize that all I see, hear, touch, smell is part of the on-going, never-ending oneness. My ego-self smiles. For the first time, Death and I wink at each other. All is well. 

HERE IS WHAT STEVE HAS TO SAY…

There are so many wonderful pleasures in life. A cup of coffee, sitting comfortably, watching the leaves turn bright. 

One of my friends told me that our blog makes it seem like nothing is wrong.  And he is  right. There is nothing wrong.  

Cancer has come into my life as a teacher, not as punishment. I think that most of the teaching/learning is around fear.  Fear is so subtle, and it can mask itself in so many different ways.  

I am enjoying each day, and now my horizons are getting bigger, not smaller. Anita Moorjani says that when we stop being afraid of dying, we experience incredible freedom.

I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to say! It seems to me that when I experience incredible freedom, the world is just a playground, and I want to revel (maybe even frolic) in the playground of life. I’ve spent too much of my time trying to control life. Now I want to spend more and more time enjoying.

I began this journey hoping that I would get back to life the way it was. Because it was pretty doggone good!  And now, I see that even more doors are opening for me. Ones I’ve never walked through before. 

Life is bigger, not smaller. I’d like to write more but I feel the urge to go celebrate NOW. 

By Debbie

On Sunday morning, October 6th Steve and I sat on the red couch…doing our morning routine…and when the time came for journaling he said “here are your choices :

1. The missing piece

2, My right foot

3. Fire ants and other critters

Okay, ya need to know that on Saturday I stepped, ever so briefly, on some fire ants and ended up with 5 pretty nasty bites on my right foot. So I chose, The Missing Piece

I’e never polled jigsaw puzzlers to get a feel for this question. But I do wonder how they feel about nearing the completion of a puzzle to find…one piece missing.

• Do we feel sad that we can’t see the task to completion?
• Do we need some sense of perfection?
• Do we feel cheated and wish, thank you very much, that we could see the whole picture just this once?
• Or do we go, oh well…this was a pretty good puzzle. Take a picture of the slightly imperfect puzzle. Let it sit in all its glory overnight before putting it back in the box for some other puzzlers delight. Offering the warning “one piece missing”. And if we’re particularly helpful we’ll write on the box “one piece missing. Not a border piece”

In the old days I was really disappointed by missing pieces. These days, not so much. I mean, I have plenty of things missing….words when I need them, reading glasses, one of my favorite socks. Yep! The picture is rarely…RARELY complete. But I still love the picture. Just the way it is. Maybe I love it even more for its imperfection.

So yes, puzzling at the kitchen island is a grand distraction and joy for Steve these days. And yes, he came to the end of this puzzle with one piece missing.

But the story doesn’t end there. Actually, it gets bigger!

About things lost and found…as allergy season approaches I find my eyes getting dry and my contacts getting icky. At the end of a long day I sometimes struggle to get my contacts to pop out of my eyes. I know I am not alone!!! Frustrating, right?

On one such day I was taking my contacts out with lots of struggle. Eventually I got them out but lost one before closing the case! This was impossible. But it happened. I looked. Steve looked. I gave up and cooked supper. 2 hours after I lost my contact in the bathroom…and cooked supper…and ate supper…I cleared the table and …what do ya know…my contact was on the tablecloth. Just below the place my dinner plate had occupied!!! How? Don’t know!

And, crazy as this may seem. Steve’s puzzle that went missing one piece…showed up on the same table the next day.

There is a mystery in life. Enjoy it.

It’s a  strange world, …….corporations and social media want our attention. They want to sell us stuff or ideas, and therefore they study us. Observe our habits and our addictions.

For example, I like Pickleball and occasionally late night comedians, so my YouTube feed is  full of late-night comics and National Pickleball tournaments. They notice I ignore all ads except for infomercials where  snake oil sales people are selling exotic ways to renew aging bodies. So they study me and they want my attention. 

Generally for the US population the most compelling desire is to express frustration and anger, where people spend hours listening to other peoples complaints frustration and anger at politicians government or unfairness of any kind and within that context, social media can sandwich product ads or opinion ads. 

So in general, our media world is all about manipulation. It seems to work, because the average person spends 4 to 6 hours, looking at a screen of some sort. So the challenge is to wonder …if our attention is such a valuable commodity… and if we look at it as a commodity, how do we want to spend it? According to the seven spiritual laws, whatever, we put our attention on, grows bigger and bigger, and when we withdraw that attention, it withers and dies

Attention goes hand-in-hand with intention. The world seems to respond to our intentions. Be careful what you wish for.  

When we dream and scheme and say out loud what we want …..strange things begin to happen. 

At first we may be focused on desires, beach trips,  toys,  entertainment. Beneath these wants our desires could shift to something deeper. We  begin to focus on contentment, bird song, flowers,  gardens,  beauty, calmness, family, friends, service to others, detachment, respect, gratitude, and compassion. When we value our attention some great things begin to happen. 

Okay, I find this to be amazing. And proof solid that the universe is full of light and energy and healing. We continue to use the lyrics from Rutter’s “ A Gaelic Blessing” as part of our evening ritual. Many of you have been sending light and pictures and singing songs of love for us. Thank you!

This is one of the lyrics I use with Steve each night “ moon and stars pour their healing light on you.”

Last night I was so tired that I was asleep at 8:30. I missed the night sky and the chance to observe the northern lights…so far south. Here are pictures I received today:

From Kat a picture looking uphill toward our home

And from Will, a picture from our yard

MOON AND STARS POUR THEIR HEALING LIGHT….

thank you friends and family and splendid universe. WOW!

HOW TO LEAVE A NOTE

I was napping when Steve left to meet friends for pickleball. I loved waking up and finding his note. He came home from pickleball and went straight to the red couch. It should be noted the red couch is a place of tremendous respect in our family. Everything that matters most happens on the red couch.

When Steve got home I was out running errands. I returned to find this sweetness.

It might seem that we spent much of the day missing each other in our comings and goings. But actually, I think we truly found one another ❤️

Hello friends, it’s been awhile since Steve and I have posted stories of our Grand Adventures. There have certainly been some stories worth telling…and maybe in the weeks to come a few of them will find their way to this page. 

We expected to begin our adventure stories again October 14th as we headed back to Mexico for a month. Staying in a new neighborhood in Chapala, and experiencing for the first time the amazing traditions of Dia de los Muertas, Day of the Dead. If you haven’t watched the movie Coco, just do it. And then do a little google research. You will definitely be touched by the beauty and the stories and the richness of culture. 

However; in the last six weeks our own journey has taken a few major twists and turns. We are sad to tell you that Steve has been diagnosed with rectal cancer. His rigorous 6-month treatment regime begins Thursday, October 3rd. Not the adventure we expected. But the road we will travel. 

We invite you to walk alongside us, if you wish, as we explore this great time of un-knowing. 

I don’t expect our writings to be linear. More likely, they will jump back and forth guided by memories as well as fresh insights or challenges. Beauty. Awe. Confusion and Humor… quotes, poems, bad jokes, amazing pictures, and some head-scratching await!

This blog will be the space where each of us…Steve and me…communicate present moment awareness, and with gratitude explore the complexities of living fully this one life we’re given.  

We have several daily rituals. If you want to join us (from afar) in an evening ritual you could use Spotify or however you find music and play John Rutter’s “A Gaelic Blessing” (DeepPeace)

Our Ritual:

Sometime between 8:00-9:00 pm (est) we simply light a candle, sit quietly, close eyes, and listen. 

Naturally, you could do this anytime of day. Or skip the music and just take a moment in the evening to send the words “Deep Peace to you, Steve” our way. 🥰 🙏 ❤️

We both REALLY feel this positive energy and I can’t tell you how much it means to both of us!!! This is a time of day when we pause from the doing and really open our hearts to your love, support and presence. 

AND FROM STEVE:

 DEEP SUFFERING 

The most fertile ground for deep peace is deep suffering. I am a cheapskate. I don’t like to pay for things, except when there are deals, I hate to be overcharged.

When I’m in the airport I go into hyper-mode. You make one false move and you’ve left your cell phone or your passport or your glasses. Often day flights leave at six or 7 am, which means you’re getting up at 3 o’clock in the morning. It’s amazing how many people you see at the airport at 4 am.  I don’t exactly understand this phenomenon. It seems like flying at 10 o’clock in the morning would be a lot easier.

A few months ago Debbie and I encountered a situation where deep suffering and deep joy are possible. Accidentally she had entered my name on the passport page as Steven Erickson…one letter off. At 4:30 in the morning we discovered the error and went to the delta airlines desk.

”Oh, we can fix that, but it will cost you $50 and I need to make a telephone call. At 5:30 we found out that a telephone call wouldn’t do it and that we had to call the Airlines. 

Debbie quickly got her boarding pass and headed for the gates and I got out my phone and listened to yet another recording. Would you rather talk on WhatsApp, press two…would you like to talk in English, press one….. after pressing about 10 different buttons I got to speak to someone who is not from this country. We conversed in his heavy accent, and after asking him to repeat himself a number of times I found out that the airplane was already on the tarmac and that he could not help me board the plane even though there were many empty seats on the plane. One little letter….

If I’d  gotten to him 15 minutes earlier he could change that one letter in my passport application. Oh, and by the way (just a little salt in the wound) that discount airline you bought your ticket on will not give you a refund because you bought it last night.  If you’d bought it seven days ago you could get your $500 refund.  I didn’t need a ticket 7 days ago!

The flight or fight response in my brain wanted to run out of the airport,  jump in my car and say I never want to be in this craziness again. My higher self said that my sister in surgery needed me. So off I went to buy another ticket ….it’s just money, but for a working class guy $500 is a lot of money.   

During the 45 minutes that Debbie stood in line I knew that my anger and frustration were inappropriate to the situation. I walked over to a quiet spot and dove into the pain. 

For me, the reality is that this world is a dream. Aside from acting with integrity and honesty and respect. Nothing on earth can hold me. Nothing can hold my consciousness, relationships, situation, winning and losing… all the dualities of life are illusory. I am a traveler and observer. And a participant. But I do not have to be attached to any results.  

My mantra that day became “I will carry peace wherever I go”   

This place of deep peace was recently threatened when I got my diagnosis of the bigC.  For one thing,  my ass has been sore for over 2 months so who wants to sit on their ass and breathe and meditate. Doctors told me some scary s___ about my treatment plan. Change in diet, tests, needles in my arm, stuck inside behemoth machines, loss of control over my body. ALREADY lost 20 pounds before the treatment even begins.

So it seemed I had two ways to see it. My choice:

1. I drew the disaster card..really bad luck, jumping out of a building on fire kind of luck. 
2. Really a blessing….better food, closer family connections, a handicap parking pass, hiring people to finish my tiny house, a chance to share my story and my faith in a more real way.

Yes, it’s great to write spiritual b.s. when you’re vacationing in a Mexican paradise. In my condition,  it’s little more believable to talk about beauty and appreciation and our souls-journey. And I am talking about some spiritual woo-woo. The stuff that Jesus and Buddha talked about. The idea that consensus reality is illusory falls into the field of mysticism.

 I can enter this field through my breath and meditation.  Two years ago I would’ve told you that’s ridiculous. Why would some form of breathing allow you to experience consciousness in a different way. Or my belief in life-after -life. How could anyone really know?

76 years ago I appeared in this world. My dad the son of a South Dakota butcher and my mom daughter of a small town brick layer and road builder, when mules were the horsepower. Depression kids that believed in a better life. I was skinny and shy. Funny and fun only to people close to me. 76 years after birth….I’ve lived a magical, enchanted life and this diagnosis is part of the magic. I am a lucky man ❤️❤️

I smile a lot. I can’t help myself. I smile when I pass someone on the street. I smile when I remember something long ago. I smile when I hear music. I smile sometimes even when I am mad or sad or frustrated. But mostly I smile a lot because there’s just a lot to smile about.

Today I burned about 1,000 calories watching the dancers and musicians of Ixtlahuacan: Ballet Folclorico , traditional dances of Mexico.

And then about 1,000 more calories just smiling. What a workout 🏋️

This is another one of those Debbie stories about how good things are just waiting to happen. We’ve had a lot going on the past few weeks so I had neglected to buy tickets for a performance I really hoped to see. I thought oh well, I expect it’s sold out by now. But the next day, just in case, I made myself walk down the street to the Cultural Arts Center…just because it’s literally just down the street, I like to walk, it’s next to the Wednesday Market. And it’s Wednesday!

Good enough! 🤞🤞🤞

The box office was closed, but a kind woman who was sweeping-up came over and pointed to a nearby building…”boletas para bailes tradicionales?” I asked. “Si” she smiled.

I walked over and found another kind woman who smiled at me. Expecting to hear there were no more tickets available, I asked for two (dubiously). She smiled even bigger and showed me the seating chart…the old-fashioned way…yellow marker on all the taken spots. There were 5 seats left. Only two that were together. And they were on the front row! Center!!!

So I plopped down the equivalent of $12 each and did a little hop and skip back home. Needless to say I was in Full Smile!

So here’s a glimpse of the delightful and energetic 2 and 1/2 hours of traditional dances and music of Mexico. Complete with children, older folks, piñatas, bull fights and yes-oh-my, our favorite mariachi 🪇

Hope you find yourself smiling!

AND FROM STEVE…

It is so hard sometimes to keep our busy-mind out of our conscious intentions. Imagine an interrupting device in your brain that says “That will not work. Be careful. It’s dangerous. You’ll fail. Don’t be stupid. It’s too expensive. You are delusional. Spirituality is nonsense.  Don’t pay attention to your intuitions. You can’t do it because you’re too old, and your wife/mother/friend won’t won’t like it.  Watch out for people who prey on your insecurities and weaknesses. 

Well, Paramhansa Yogananda speaks from centuries of study of the life force and the wisdom of Indian culture and experience. 

“The body is a dream, and death is a dream. Nothing can hurt you. Nothing can destroy you, understanding…and accepting this is the ultimate realization.

The man/woman that lives in that flow of life dies in the bosom of this hidden force of energy that surrounds us. It’s voice says “wake up, you’re just dreaming. Death has not touched you at all. This earth is not here to torture you, but to teach you your real nature. The soul cannot be drowned, stabbed, or shattered. 

Debbie contributed photos and here are some thoughts from Steve…..

GOOD NEWS

Many spiritual paths talk about the oneness of life, the oneness of all people, plants, animals, earth, rocks, the heavens. I recently interviewed a traveler and scientist in Mexico, who had lived in the jungles of Malaysia , Ireland, Canada, Hong Kong and now near a volcanic lake in Mexico. His experience was that we are much more alike than we are different . In fact, he said, I believe that we are all one! 

Life and culture teaches us to make divisions. It’s called dualistic thinking. Such as: rich/poor good/bad winning/losing success/failure. For example, One of my relatives once told me what a failure I’ve been in life. seems like I hadn’t had a successful career that provided me with a lot of material goods in his eyes.

In more indigenous traditions such as the Navajo anyone who has acquired too much is a failure because life is about sharing with your neighbor. 

Recently I watched a fantasy movie about the end of the world ……a gigantic meteor was about to arrive in nine months, and all of humanity would be killed with 100% certainty. 

How did people respond? Some people took off all their clothes and walked around naked, others dressed in elaborate bizarre costumes, some took cruises around the world, others jumped out of airplanes with parachutes, or had sex with whomever ….. almost everyone stopped going to work.

There was only one work place left …..highly secretive and it was called THE DISTRACTION. People who went there were given a lot of busywork on computers. They stayed employed as long as they agreed not to talk about the fact they were just doing busywork, and as long as they didn’t relate to others, or have any kind of personal relationships. 

Our heroine, a mousy woman named Carol, dreamed of connection, conversation, relationship, and community, and when she began gathering people in an abandoned Applebee’s to talk and be together the wheels of DISTRACTION began to go off the rails …her dream manifestation began to take the company down. 

The longing for community is real. We have found much community in the Gringos of Mexico together with the Mexicanos. They have a lot to offer one another. 

In the United States. it is do-able to have wonderful connections  But in general the larger culture is fearful, and that fear creates divisions around right and wrong and good and bad.

In Mexico, the government rarely supports the people and the majority of people depend on family and community. The dysfunction of a Third World government creates an ideal place for the joys of community. Many of the expats here find solace in the community around Lake Chapala. It is not perfect, but it feels good.

Wherever we are in the world, there are psychic bombs going off, sometimes constantly!!!  As an antidote we must continue to dream of loving connection and relationship,

Eventually our longings will find their place in the world and will diminish the power of the darker forces such as greed, control, pride, self-importance and fear. 

Just something to ponder 🤔

Evidently norms are not my passion. 

In high school I remember finding security in math and in college, freedom in physics. 

Physics is the science that deals with the structure of matter and the interactions between the fundamental constituents of the observable universe. Wow!  My college self interpreted this as vastness. Magical thinking. 

Mathematics is the study of numbers and how they relate to one another. My straight-A  high school self interpreted this as finding the only correct conclusion and drawing a box around that answer. 

When I found physics I ditched math! 

I’ve read that magic doesn’t like living in a box. I think we often believe that others want to put us in a box. I try to examine the ways that I, not others create the box. It seems natural that we all experience some degree of discomfort when confronted by “outside the box” thinkers. Making it harder to just listen rather than jumping ahead to wondering. 🤔 Do I agree or disagree with this idea?

My practice toward authenticity includes developing behaviors that invite others into my magical thinking. Without expecting them to get it. (agree). Not necessarily an easy practice.

I try to avoid thinking “I am who I am, get used to it” Or “if you don’t like it lump it”

I specifically try to engage with people unlike myself. And rely on a smile or gentle shrug of the shoulders to convey the idea that it’s okay with me if you think I’m a little different…or confusing…or misinformed. 

I also train my interior voice to be a gentle voice. Not defiant. Gentle, Self-love and acceptance requires daily practice.

For me, as I make a commitment to the practice of self-love and acceptance I find it easier to live creatively. Love expansively. And appreciate more fully both the challenges and gifts of life in and outside the norms of culture. This makes me a pretty good candidate for travel and exploration. Once again I thank you for joining me along the way. See ya in 2024 🎉🥳🥰

AND FROM STEVE

Don Miguel Ruiz, a small town Mexican of Toltec descent taught that life is a dream state.

We get to practice changing our thoughts and emotions and intentions and allow others to create their own dream. Hope your dream today includes a lot of self-love for the beautiful person you are .

CONFIDENCE, CLUMSINESS AND COURAGE and IT’S BEGINNING TO FEEL… from Debbie. FEELING HAPPY and MAN WHO PAINTS ON CHEAP PAPER …from Steve

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Confidence, Clumsiness and Courage

This is my 8th winter in Ajijic. You might think I’ve done this enough to move rather flawlessly into new space and time. Nope! That’s not the way it works for me. I deal with loss of confidence, random clumsiness and a daily need for an extra courage.

We have favorite parts of the village to live in, but we rarely stay in the same house two years in a row. So we arrive not really knowing the lay of the land, and certainly without knowledge of the particulars. There are sets of keys. Old keys. Not the kind you buy at Lowe’s. There are gates and walkways and always lots of things have changed. It’s never a surprise to learn a favorite restaurant has disappeared and then pops up again a few blocks away. I say often “oh, I thought it was on this block” and scratch my head.

Each time I leave our casita I must check:

???? Keys, phone, wallet, water bottle, sunglasses, reading glasses, bike helmet, which key works which lock???

And each time I return I have to re-visit the list to make sure nothing was left behind…in the restaurant, on the bus, on the court 🤷‍♀️

Everyday I forget things, lose things, misplace things. I search my memory for words or phrases I knew last week. I mistake 20 peso bills for 200 peso bills. I walk west when my destination is due east.

I think these experiences are to be expected. But I am finding that as I age my confidence wanes a bit. That’s the courage part. 

Take the keys for example. I have to tell myself for at least 3 days to just believe. 

I believe that today I will not lose my keys. 

I believe that today I will use the right key and it will be less clumsy than yesterday. 

I believe that at the end of the day my keys will be attached to my backpack and ready for tomorrow’s adventure. 

This need to bolster my confidence is rather new to me. And truthfully, I love the challenge. But I want to remember to stay engaged and resist the temptation to either excessively doubt my abilities, or worse, stop trying and “play it safe”.

It’s okay to be clumsy. It’s okay to forget. It’s okay to take time and find the way. Or, if needed, create a new way.

It’s Beginning To Feel…

What a wonderful morning! My little Christmas corner is cheerful…a rosemary tree with fairy lights and dangly earrings for decoration. Most of you who know me will be surprised to learn I have dozens of pairs of earrings. Most of them purchased here in Ajijic while walking along the streets and malecon. This is a source of income. An easy way to contribute to the very local economy. And now, a great way to decorate this little tree. Corelli’s Concerto de Noel is playing and there’s no need to hurry for anything. Hot coffee. And plenty of space for morning time with Steve. I love this way of starting the day.

Last night Pam and I went to a Christmas concert. It was a small theatre with nothing but good seats. A very merry, well-designed set complete with stockings hung by the chimney with care. There are LOTS of expats around here with big talent and tons of theatre experience. The primary cast of 6, mostly over the age of 70 expats were delightful and made complete by the addition of two Mexican singers (who sang in Spanish). A young man (maybe 25) sang with great heart and bravado and  a young girl (maybe 14) with showstopper qualities and the sparkling eyes of innocence and joy. I was blown away!!!!

Tears came to my eyes and rolled down 9my cheeks often during the performance. And oh yes, I was ever so grateful to be invited to sing along at times.

Yes, yes, yes!!!! 

It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas 🌟

These two photos are from the main plaza in Ajijic. Literally around the corner from where we are living in December. It’s like being in the center of the world. Everything happens here. Family time begins each evening around 6:00 pm. Who knows what will happen? Music and food to be sure. Art, dance, laughter, beauty. Feliz Navidad 🎄

And From Steve….

FEELING HAPPY

So much of my joy in life involves letting go. A few years ago, my Taoist book started talking about dualism, and how dualistic concepts are formed. I got so excited when they told me I could let go of dualistic thinking, such as good and bad, happiness and misery, spiritual and unspiritual. Right and wrong.

Just let go of it. My soul rose in freedom, and I felt such peace inside me.  And excitement. 

One of my friends wrote me and said you can’t trust happiness, and I immediately wanted to argue with him and say you’re wrong. Happiness is fun. It’s OK to enjoy it. Blah blah blah… and I realize, that he was right.  You can’t trust happiness like so many of our human concepts. You need to let go so you can get a glimpse of this mysterious wonder of the universe. 

Even in my meditations, when I always let go of my to do list, my relationships and heaviness in my heart, I have another letting go. When things in our life start to work they are on the way tobecoming a concept. Meditation is the way. Exercise is the way.  Eating good foods is the way.

I go back to letting go of everything and trying to live simply and with integrity. I remember “Don’t lose yourself in ideological fogs of your own making.

I fell into a dreamy sleep at 25-years-old and I awoke again at age 50. I was living in a half built house with a lot of couches. Apparently I loved beautiful couches, and I filled my living room with 4 thrift store couches. My brother-in-law told me I was a failure. You have underachieved. 

Awakening  from this dream I found a world where, preparing for retirement began at 30 with things like 401(k) and the like, and I was poor and barefoot.

Oh, well, I thought, I may have missed some opportunities. I will now start working. I will move from being to doing !!!

And for the next 25 years I worked hard at business and now at the tender age of 75, I’m a free man ready to enjoy my longevity. 

So I am beginning to draw and paint again. I read a story about a woman who took up guitar at the age of 90. Her music technique was lacking but full of soul. She was pleased.

I have no formal training. Like the locust I emerge every seven years to draw or paint shamelessly.

I pull out a pencil and sketch paper and some paints.  I call my art MAN WHO PAINTS ON CHEAP THIN PAPER

I won’t be mistaken for Rembrandt or anyone else when I show my paintings to people. 

They are either horrified or amused …..or as my first grade teacher said when she looked at my Stick Figure drawings.

“That’s nice.”